tonight i wanna cry

in the middle of midnight,i was listening to a very touching song..never heard of it before...i just type crying song,and there 'tonight i wanna cry' popped out...hurm...cold night,the song suits perfectly...i dont know where the tears come,but i can sure u,i cried....this song its really amazing..sang by keith urban..its beautifulllll...while doin chem,my tears runs like am in a sad situation which am not.totally..perhaps i was thinking bout my daddy,mommy,siblings...man,miss them so much...or perhaps i can feel the loneliness deep down inside.. a smile can really make me feel better..but not for a long time...sometimes,no rain,thunder,lightning,i'll burst into tears.... yeah...u can say am pathetic..but i guess,nobody can understand me,,,when i turn back,i see no one...there,am in dark...alone.... people said that crying is one of the medicine but i guess not....at least not for me... this sog really potrayed how i feel...

alone lonely loner

cold...as there is an aircond in my room....the wind blows everything that's on my desk.. lovin it...but i'm alone... no room-8,no friends....hey,i cant expect them to be with me all the time right..yeah...thought so...

i just wanna express myself bout yesterday...it was a hectic day for me n friends...i dont know why but my mood suddenly changed...from good to moody....i didnt know why,but at a certain point i just wanna be alone..i listened to my musics really2 loud...i cant hear people talking to me.. i'm sorry guys if i ignored u... i wasnt do it on purpose. i'm so sorry..really..i was there sitting alone..doin my maths while my beloved friends talking,laughing but i couldnt join them.... when it was time for math tutorial,i went to BKA...with them but we didnt talk...its my fault...i'm being selfish...sorry.... there,,when we were in BKA,waiting for the tutor,i burst into tears....yet,i didnt show it to anyone...i just dont want them to know..i love my friends here...i just dont wanna lose them... huh..dramatic isnt it..only 1 person that noticed,,and that was Farah...clearly i dont wanna my friends to know that i was crying...so wiped my tear drops and pretend like there's nothing wrong that day...hurm...the only person that i told bout my feeling yesterday was Faiz..hey man,thanks for listening to my junks... perhaps i just wanna be alone..

to all my friends,i just wanna say sorry for being a selfish gal yesterday... ...

he's finally found the replacement....

ecstatic....hahaha..my first feeling when he talked to me......finally the day has come....i thought he was sulking...he asked me why i wrote something like that as my status...i told him......he said that .................. (its a secret) hahahaha.....then something,came out of nowhere,he said that he found someone else....the 2nd feeling that i felt was UPSET...i know i shouldnt...he's not mine....but i used to like him..so i guess,thats why i felt a little upset..but hey,i should be happy for him.....finally he found someone...i guess,its time for me to say goodbye.. but not in a sad way.. hey pal,i wish u happy with her....dont ever break her heart..

no more sadness..

cold...i must say...wearing my sweat shirt....lying under a blanket...hurm...it's such a warm surrounding....being alone in a room...what a lonely day... no one cares....what i do....in this poor room....silent..........its foggy outside and its like 5.30 pm here....the curtains arent open...the door,locked....perhaps i just wanna be alone today...i kept thinking bout that day...actually noboody ever know this story...it happened recently...even my dearly beloved best friends also have no idea... yeah....hard to believe huh...normally if u have any probs or anything,the first person u'll seek is ur best friend...but not me..well..not this time...

man,u walked infront of me...literally but still u didnt notice me....hard to believe....u saw my friend...u even say hi to her but me? not a chance... i thought we were close....but i guess...i was wrong...honestly,i was hoping that my friend was me...cause i'll get the chance to do even it is tiny little matter...i just wanna say hi to u....but i guess,it wont happen...i pretend like i didnt see u,saying hi to her,smile to her but dude,u're right infront of me...how can i pretend like u werent there..before this,u're like the closest friend i've ever had..i tell u my probs,listening to the advices that u gave...u spend ur time listening to what ever that i wanted to tell u..even it's the busiest time of ur life...u'll find a time for me...seeing u like that..huh...bittersweet...i was ecstatic at first...but then...its bitter..

i'm pathetic huh...yeah i guess i am...this thing is like a diary to me..i dont care if people dont read it...it just that i wanna express myself in words....the only thing that i dont want to happen is that bumping into u and the atmosphere become slightly weird...

waiting for yesterday

Here i am.....waiting for you.in the rain..sometimes,i feel like i've been neglected....is it true what were you saying? about your feeling? if that so,why dont u show it? anymore... i'm in cold..waiting for you to reply...but..as i expected..u didnt....what was my mistake? what have i done? i thought we're gonna be friends...at least..but u never care what i'm feeling...u just care bout yours...at a certain point, i feel like, being abandoned like this is better for me than waiting for a thing that is uncertain....i didnt cry....but i'm sad...i didnt deserve this...u can be franked..i dont mind...just please dont let me be alone in this fairytale land.... perhaps you've found someone that deserves u better but that doesnt mean that we cant be friends....u can share anything with me.like i said before..i'm gonna be there for u...always....those arent empty words....i mean it.... i used to feel the same as u did.... trust me...i know the feeling.... =.=''

loneliness knows me by name.....

what a lonely person am i.......perhaps maybe..no,no..definitely maybe am no good for anyone...yeah..i have friends that always watch my back..family that always supports me,loves me....but,there is something that i feel like lacking from ma life...am not talking bout friendship,am not talking bout family's loves...but am talking bout ....................................... honestly who when they turned older,become matured doesnt feel the love towards others...it would be a lie if they come to ma face and spill it that way...i mean c'mon...at least u would feel just a little bit...there...same goes to me..i kinda like this person..am having a big...no,no..huge crush on this boy...since high school if am not mistaken....at first he shows his interest in me....but am shy...and i have my own stand which i cant tell here...he asked me to be his girlfriend .. and honestly,i was ECSTATIC...hehehe...but because of my dumb 'stand'....i denied him....for 2-3 years....hehe...stupid huh...yeah2...got it....i thought i can be his friend..but i was wrong...he's not like he used to be...he changed...and seriously,i dont know him..anymore...yeah people change but they wont be like him..hate,unfriend someone cause they rejected u...what a guy..eventhough he acted that way towards me,still am having a crush on him...and now am lonely cause am having crush on him,that i cant deny ma own feeling but he's no longer interested in me...well...i have to let the feel go...so that i can move on..find someone new...hurm...but loneliness is always looking for a friend...it found me once and have been around since then...why,why am i chosen..why am left without..the love of my dream,the love that i want....loneliness is cruel and knows me by name

fragile...........

what its like to be left alone....by anyone...by our family,our friends,our mentors,etc..the feeling wont be the same if we are accompanied and surrounded by the people that we love...
why the title is FRAGILE but am talking about LONELINESS........

hurm...actually today i just wanna tell u all what i kept inside me..my feelings,sadness,happiness.......am a FRAGILE HEARTED PERSON......yeah i know.everyone can see me being happy every single day..but do they know what happened inside me...hurm...i dont think so...am makin this blogging kind of thing because i was afraid to tell anyone bout it....i'm shy....yeah..people will look at me like am a brutal,hard person but they dont even know that deep,deep down inside,am crying like a baby...hurm...perhaps i dont have a really trusted friends..yet........i've many friends..they're kind but still,i cant tell them anything..perhaps i was too shy and i just cant believe and trust people easily..am sorry...yeah,,,that's me...i used to cry...because of my friendship...yeah...sounds like am an annoying spoil brat...to be honest,i love all my friends...i just cant be away from them...there was once happened in my life when i was 15..hurm...what a tragic thing happened...just because of 1 silly misunderstanding....she thought that 1 of our friends,like stealing us from her..my friends were thrown by rocks...yeah..u heard me...ROCKS...,STONES...what a year...and when i was 17,there was i girl that wanna break my friendship with my dear best friend since i was 13 ..but she didnt succeed....well at the very 1st moment,she seemed like dont like our close relation...i mean,c'mon,who would not want a very close friendship...hurmm..i was crying after i finished my tuition class...when i reached home...it was just because my bestie didnt sit with me..instead she sit with that GIRL...they talked,laughed like i wasnt there..thanks to my other besties,they comfort me,..freakin love them..now me and my bestie studying at the same university and now no one can break friendship again... XD

JULY 13TH 2011